Self Inflicted.

fuck you…

you literally don’t know anything.

neither do you.

fuck you…

It is insane when I look at how many phases i’ve gone through, and how i was percieved/how i perceived myself in each one.  I am not sure if i know how i perceieve myself now or how others do, but i feel like i know exactly how before.  But im sure that when i was in that time, i didn’t know either.  i guess that’s why they say hindsight is 20/20.  

Not really sure what attitude i should have as i move forward in life.  im kind of at an awkward, plateau stage right now and am not sure if i should be actively trying to escape it or if i should just let life occur.  

That used to be a big issue with me, i would only let life occur, and was never as proactive as i should’ve been. I almost forgot how i was supposed to live.  i guess there really is no ‘supposed way to live’.  When i was younger, everything just flowed so easily and i just knew what i was supposed to do.  also - i was so immature then and wouldn’t last in a real life scenario - it was all fun and games.  

Time to grow up son.

why is my mind so full, yet i have nothing to say…ever.

I need to learn to sort through my thoughts, so i can actually try to get out of shitty moods, rather then just wallow in misery.

I am back from a 2 year break, not sure if i will maintain my posting. just going to use this a diary.

my ex girlfriend is dating my close friend. she never will understand my feelings. not that i want to get back with her. but i will endlessly love her.  i don’t think anybody will understand my underlyign feelings. which is understandable because my actions don’t really reflect them.  alcohol kind of fucks with that :/

my only hope is to continuously strive towards a better me, and be at harmony with everybody who matters.

i am beloved by many, the younger girls are ridiculous and think of me as some sort of revered god figure.  hearing them speak about me is kind of sickening, why was i born with this power.  do i deserve it? hopefully i will use it for good, which i think i will.  my genuine disposition is one i take pride in and i hope it maintains.

sfdalsdfkasjdlfk;ashdgkalsdhgajlsdfh;lasjdfh;lasdhfl;askjdhglkahsl;dkghval;skdhgf;laksd

asfasdfasdfhlasdgh;lasdjgl;sadfjkgsal;dfkjsdl;kfjsad;lfkjasdl;fkjsdal;fkjsadl;fkjadslfk;sadjl

YEAH ME TOO.

everything is crazy

I am getting a car, finally, fucking 7 months after my birthday.  At least my dad’s going to pay for my gas for a while.  One week until my beautiful Saab 97x comes into my possession.

one of the best things of my life i had so much fun everything was amazzing.

ill be in utter amazement and enraptured.

trip is going to be incredible

i bless you with good health, good luck, good social skills, good times, awesome family matters, and a new bike!!!

what the shit, am i starting to get things and undestand life and how to conquer life.

 am i becoming good at things that i said i would never bcome good at. i think so. thank you life for beginning to shape up, thank you optimism thank you god.

singing, i will conquer you, guitar. yes.

everythings retarded